At what cost
by Abbster13666
Summary: Ahsoka's reflections on the war, among other things. Sorry, I suck at summaries. T to be safe.


**Kay guys. This is a present for you until I can get my next chapter up on Fear. I'm trying to make it extra long or you guys, so it might take a while. This just refused to leave my mind alone until I wrote it so I thought: Hey, why not. It's probably stupid. And confusing. Stupid, and confusing. So please feel free to ask questions about why I did something the way I did. I'm tired, so I didn't feel like going much into their mental breakdowns. Straight to the point today. Despite all of that, I hope you enjoy! J**

He pulled me into a hug. Tears threatened to spill over as I struggled to compose myself. _Come on Ahsoka, I scolded myself. Hold it together; don't do this._

"I'm so glad you're safe Ahsoka, when you didn't come out with Fives and the rest of your squad we feared the worst."

He held me to his chest, tightening his grip slightly when he felt his outer robes dampen. I can't believe I'm doing this right now! Not here, not with him, and all the clones present! What kind of commander am I? I immediately wrenched myself free of his inviting warmth, when really all I wanted was to stay there. I stared at the ground.

"S...Sorry"

I muttered, hoping he wouldn't notice how I stumbled through my words, how my chest heaved, how I wasn't in control, though I tried. Not really. I scrambled to think of an excuse for where I was but my mind refused to cooperate. I launched into something I was wishing he would just except. Unfortunately, I know my master.

"I was pretty caught up and…"

My words caught in my throat when I thought of Rex. His eyes wide with shock when Ventress ran her lightsaber straight through his chest.

"Excuse me, please." "It's been a long day and I think I'm going to go meditate."

I needed to escape. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I couldn't even hope to have Anakin understand. He's so strong, so sure of himself. He always gets his team through, he always stays together. For the team. He would be so disappointed in me. I failed him. I'm weak, not like him. I hurriedly turned to walk away. He caught my wrist in his hand.

"Hey, Ahsoka, stay"

Tears unbid ran down my cheeks. I wouldn't look at Anakin, trying desperately to keep him from seeing my vulnerability. The clones all jogged off, instinctively knowing this was a personal matter. I felt his hand gently squeeze my wrist, reminding me of Rex's last moments.

_"Now watch, weakling, as I kill your friend." Ventress laughed cruelly as she plunged her blood red saber through Rex's chest. His face was frozen in shock, a silent scream still on his lips._

_ "NOOOOO!" I half shrieked, half sobbed. Throwing myself forward with all my might, I jabbed at Ventress with my own saber. She parried, and sprinted away; her laughter still resounding throughout the room, echoing off the walls. I ran to Rex, and he looked at me. His breathing came out in short choppy gasps. His eyes had a far away, glassy look to them. I could tell he wasn't going to make it. He gripped my wrist. _

_"Go… Go on…. now; leave… leave me here" He wheezed. _

_"No! I can't do that. You can make it, I'll bring you back to the ship and we can…"My voice faltered._

_ I stubbornly refused to give up, even though I knew he was lost to us. Tears pricked my eyes. He shakily reached up, seemingly to wipe them away, but his hand fell back to his side. His hold on my wrist loosened; I felt his life force dimming, slowly fading from existence._

_"Listen kid… Don't…don't lose any sleep over… over…me." He struggled to get his words out. His face twisted in pain._

_ I knew he was resigning himself to his death. He was hanging on for me. To make sure I was alright. I bitterly thought of this, how he always put everyone else's well being before his own._

_"Don't talk like that! You can make it through!"_

_"Now you… you know… know that's not true… you... You…. Have to… have to... let me go. Don't worry… Don't worry yourself … about me, kid. This… This is what I was made for. Promise… Promise me you'll be ok…Ahsoka…"_

_"Don't ask me to leave you, please don't. We can't lose you Rex. I can't lose you."_

_"P…Promise me…"_

_"I… I promise" I whispered._

_He managed a weak smile._

_His hand holding my wrist dropped to the floor. He breathed in for the last time._

I held in a sob, as I thought of this. Anakin slowly turned me to face him.

"Ahsoka, what's going on with you? You're emotions are all over the place; usually you have better shielding than…" He stopped, and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Ahsoka, where is Rex? He was with you on this mission."

"I'm so sorry Master. I failed him… this was my entire fault. I should have been faster; I should have stopped her Master, but I couldn't do it."

His eyes darkened significantly, and for a second I thought they might have looked gold. He gripped my shoulders tightly.

"Ahsoka, listen to me. Rex was a good man. He knew what could have happened, but he didn't abandon us, he didn't abandon you. He chose to make that sacrifice. He made his last moments count. We'll all miss him greatly, but…" His words caught. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He couldn't be crying, could he?

"This wasn't your fault. Not at all. Whatever happened in there. Your not to blame, she is." Anger burned through him. I could see it in his eyes. I could see it, because I felt the same way. And it scared me.

"She won't get away with this, I promise you Ahsoka." He said earnestly.

I looked away, towards the setting sun. I thought of Rex, and all the other clones. Their lives; Put to an end to soon. We lost too many. Too many for a war that hardly even made sense anymore. Peace; that's what we're fighting for. But at what cost? I turned back to Anakin.

"I know."


End file.
